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Games to play in cars
July 17 2009
Ta-ran-ta-ra for the Skool
Hols, but not for the recession which the papers say mean lots of folk
can't afford to go abroad but will instead opt for a "staycation" or,
as my pal Alex calls it, a "squaliday". I love abroad, me, but can't understand why anyone would want to take children to abroad during the summer hols due to heat, and the travel industry bumping up prices. But mostly because there's so many great places to go in Dear Old Blighty.
This means lots of car travel, of course.
In-car entertainment has come a long way in recent years, and there are many marvellous electronic things the children can be distracted with. I myself would get a TV to watch when it's Mrs Byrne's turn to drive, but I'd be worried that I'd absent-mindedly leave to go to the toilet during an ad break.
In spite of all the technology, we still find that there are times when playing a silly in-car game passes the time best. Among those we ourselves have invented are:
Previous Question
One child is nominated as victim and everyone else takes it in turn to ask him/her questions. BUT the questionee always has to answer the PREVIOUS question - therefore the first one asked in the game is redundant - so, e.g.
Q: Where does stuff you flush down the toilet go?
A: (none)
Q: Where did you sleep last night?
A: The sewer
Q. What would you like for lunch?
A: My bed
Q. What's inside your skull?
A. A Big Mac and fries
Q: When your brother was a baby, what would you have found in his nappy?
A: My brain
Q: What are the names of your two best friends?
A: Wee and Poo
(etc.)
The more scatological, the more amusing. Clever players will also try and trap the questionee into saying very embarrassing things. With ages 6-10 maximum humiliation can be extracted from naming a schoolmate as their boy/girlfriend
My House/Your House
If you pass a nice house, mansion or beautiful cottage, the first person to yell "that's my house" gets it. Whereas if you see a dilapidated barn or clapped out caravan you have to be the first to say, "That's your house!" The only real rule we have is that if you see a pile of manure and "that's your house" your opponent first, it trumps all the nice houses your opponent has collected and she or he has to start again.
Fat Kid
- Most car games are better suited to countryside or motorway driving. This, however, is best in urban settings. Points are awarded for spotting obese or just mildly chubby children, but to claim your points you have to yell "FAT KID!" in a Welsh accent. I can't remember why the Welsh accent, but it's the law.
A couple of years
ago, this prompted me to mail out lots of people asking them what games
they played as kids, or what they played with their children now. It
obviously excited a lot of people, so here, in their own words, are
just a few of the answers I got from friends, acquaintances, and
complete strangers. I repeat, these are their words, not mine. This is other people. Not me. I will not accept responsibility for any death, injury or divorce resulting from users of this website trying any of the following:
Pub cricket
Very old-fashioned - you spot pub signs on your side of the road and count the number of legs on the signs and score the same as cricket. Doesn't work on motorways. If there's more than two of you, you all take it in turns to have the next pub. Its usually best to set a rule where by no sign scores more than ten points even if there's dozens of legs on it. Passing a place called the Duke of York showing aforesaid Grand Old aristo with his 10,000 men in the background ruined everything.
How Many Songs Can You Sing About Goats?
In turn, the players sing golden oldies of the baby boom generation but changing the lyrics so they are all about goats. 'Blowin' in the Goat', 'I Fought the Goat (But the Goat Won'), 'No Goat, No Cry', 'Can't Buy Me Goats', 'Standing on the Corner (Watching All the Goats Go By)' etc.
Botticelli
You think of a famous (or indeed non-famous) person and the only clue you give is the first letter of their surname. They then have 20 questions, to which you can only answer 'yes' or 'no' to try and identify them. The trick to not being got is to try and think of people who don't fall into obvious categories.
Number Plates
For older children - see a number plate, e.g. Y979 RBE - the first one to make a word including RBE wins, with extra points if the word contains those letters in the same order, e.g. 'RuBblE'
Things with Fingers
When I were a lass we made up this game where I would shut my eyes and extend my little finger and then my little brother would try to get his nostril on my finger before I whipped it away. It really is very good fun. Another good one is where you tap a tune out on your partner's teeth and they have to name that tune.
I went on a trip
"I went on a trip and took with me ... " followed by list of totally useless objects beginning A, B, C, D ..., all to be recited by the next player in the correct order, or they're out.
New Definitions
You think up stupid meanings for existing words, or stupid words for existing meanings (e.g, 'Feckless' - shortage of swearwords in Ireland; 'karmageddon' - well, I mean, it's like, when the world can't get its shit together, man.
Spot the Car
There was one we used to play on the school bus. At the start of the journey everyone would pick a make of car and you got a point for every one you saw. So naturally we all wanted common makes of car (at this time that'd be things like Minis, Austin Allegros etc.). One day one of the lads enigmatically chose 'Land Rover' and we all sneered because even though we lived in rural East Anglia there weren't THAT many Land Rovers around. What we'd forgot of course was that about a mile before we got to the school there was this bloody enormous Land Rover dealer with literally hundreds of the things parked outside. Doh!
Around the World by Space Hopper
You get people to choose a country, and another one to end up in. Then you go naming country by country around the world until you get there. However, this game does need a person with a photographic world map brain, which is of course me. So the only people who can play this game is people who invite ME on their long car journeys. I also have a naked version of it for all-women long car journeys.
Hide the Little Brother
By far the best game was the one that involved forcing my little brother through the hole behind the armrest on the back seat to retrieve sweets my parents thought they had stashed safely in the boot. We once got him stuck on the M6, and the bollocking lasted from Chorley to Blackpool.
Three Word Story
Everyone takes turns to add exactly three words to a story, sort of like a game of consequences, so
Player 1: Once upon a ...
Player 2: time there was
Player 3: a big happy
Player 4: tin of beans
Player 1: whose name was
(etc.)
Spot the Sea
When I was a kid we used to sing 'We're All Going On A Summer Holiday', 'Oh I'm Going To Barbados' and 'Viva Espana' (the last two even though we were only ever going to South Devon). The first person to see the sea would win 10p (this never, ever materialised) and I'm sure my folks used to start the game off from hundreds of miles from the coast just to keep us quiet.
Feed Karen
My mate Richard used to play "Feed Karen Carpenter". His parents always played The Carpenters in the car, and each time she took a breath, he'd offer he something to eat: "A piece of cake, perhaps Karen?"
How's my Driving?
Our kids play a great game on long drives where they award the DRIVER (usually Mum or Dad) points for bad driving. The winner is the driver with the most points. Needless to say, their dad usually wins this game by a long chalk.
- Pointless beeping of horn 30 points
- U-turn because you've gone wrong way 20 points
- Driving over speed limit 10 points per 5 m.p.h over
- Handbrake turn 15 points
- Jerky braking 10 points
- Screeching to a halt 20 points
- Driving too close to car in front 20 points
- Swearing at cyclists/pedestrians and other drivers 10 points
- Criticising partner's driving 10 points
- 4, 5, 6, 7 or 8 point turn 10 points (incremental)
- Driving on wrong side of road (abroad) 50 points
Fizz-Buzz
That's the one where you take it in turns to count up from one and when you get to a number divisible by three, or which contains a three, you have to say Buzz. If you get a number divisible by seven or containing a seven you have to say Fizz. If you get it wrong, you're out of the game and the last person left standing is the winner. Younger children or poor mathematicians can substitute five for seven.
There is a puerile variant (not for children) where whenever you come to a fizz OR buzz number you have to say a swearword BUT you're not allowed to repeat a swearword that has previously been used. So, e.g. - One, Two, Bugger, Four, Five, Shit, Fuck, Eight, Bastard, Ten, Eleven, Twat, Willy, Arse, Bloody, Sixteen (etc.) You not only need to be a good mathematician you also have to be the biggest potty mouth in the car. I am, of course, useless at this on both counts. The game usually collapses in arguments about what constitutes a swearword as players desperately scrape the barrel.
Ten Famous ...
There's that old joke about how when you were driving through Belgium you had to think of ten famous Belgians in the time it took you to cross the country. We tried the same with English counties; you had to think of ten famous people, living or dead, from that place. Works fine in Yorkshire (cricketers and footballers alone sorted that one) but was hopeless the time we drove through Herefordshire and we're never going to Kincardineshire again. Actually it's a rubbish game. Usually we just read books. Apart from the driver.
Roadkill
You score a point for correctly identifying each bloody lump slaughtered by the infernal combustion engine. But don't jump too soon. Misidentify the beast and you lose a point. Incorrectly claim that a bit of old tyre or other piece of roadside detritus is a dead animal and you lose five points.
Convertible!
There are loads of different games you can play looking at other cars on the road. We know a lot of nice families with clever, well-behaved children who will win scholarships. They play clever mathematical games with number plates or can tell you which countries the cars with foreign plates come from. Our children, however, have made one up whereby the first child to spot either a convertible, a yellow car or a mini is allowed to hit the other child. Sometimes I despair, I really do.